I wanted to dedicate a post to my new bitchy personality that has reared her head in a Jekyll and Hyde fashion since having a baby.
Here are some of her favourite times to make an appearance:
- When anyone says they’re tired – she’s particularly bitchy but in a more internal rage sort of way at these times.
- When I’m over tired – Snappy Mc Snappyson makes a visit, best just to not talk to me (so basically don’t talk to me ever?!)
- When I decide I’ve done enough night feeds and it’s James’ turn (even though he offers to do them and helps loads) it’s his fault he didn’t read my mind and offer at the exact right time.
- When I weigh myself – you mean I haven’t lost my baby weight even though I’ve been eating Nutella off a spoon for breakfast everyday, wtf!
- When I decide I want to try start a bedtime routine with Reunah and someone (anyone) makes any form of noise.
- When James plays golf – I mean granted he has played once since we had a baby but still.
- When anyone visits out of the blue – if you’re not booked in you’re just not welcome.
- When the postman needs letting in for a parcel – rage, usually when I’m feeding or with a sleeping koala baby on my tummy, leave the goddam parcel in the porch.
- When strangers touch my baby – this one gives me another level of rage. I would not come up to you and stroke your face so do not do it to my baby. I’ve decided next time someone does I will in fact stroke their face in return.
- Places that don’t allow buggies – do I need to say anymore?! I now boycott all places who aren’t 100% accommodating to me and my bff (Reunah obv).
- Strangers who want to talk about my baby when I’m out with friends – yes I have a baby, yes he’s really adorable, his name is Reunah (ffs why didn’t I say it was James) and no I don’t want to talk to you at length about motherhood, read the signs – my face is pointing away from you!
- Random people or even friends saying “maybe he’s hungry”, ohhhhhhh you’re a genius…I don’t feed him, that must be it!
- Stranger comments about his appearance – “oh he’s such a pretty baby” or “she’s so cute” (😡) 1. He’s clearly a boy (dressed head to toe in blue) so is handsome and 2. DON’T TALK TO ME (see point 2 above!
- Realising we haven’t sterilised any bottles and it’s feed time (such a mum one but probably the most annoying thing ever, that 6 minutes in the microwave is a killer).
Other than that I’m the jolliest person you’ll ever meet 😃 (joking aside to anyone reading without a baby – it doesn’t actually turn you into a monster, I would say I’m 70:30 lovely:bitch these days).